Wrestling with Roofers

I’m learning that roofing is an elusive sport.

And that it doesn’t matter if your roofer’s great aunt was a friend of your grandmother, or that two of his cousins are married to two of your friends, or that he went to grade school with the son of another friend. Or that your big crazy dog is all over him like white on rice, and that they have a love fest when he comes over. These are not roofing credentials. They are bait to get you hooked.

I’ve had a relationship with Mike, the roofer, since early July, when I discovered the leak in the attic. I hope it’s over soon – both the relationship and the leak. Mike texts; he calls; he emails. He makes appointments which always get changed. He has lots of different excuses. Is he being unfaithful? Who can tell? All I know is that my roof hasn’t been fixed.

Roofing is all about gamesmanship. First, we played “I don’t have the right shoes on to go up there today.” Then, “forgot the tarp, will bring it next time.” Then, “my son was sick, had to stay home with him.” Then, “we brought the wrong color shingles.” Then, “another customer is ahead of you.” Then, “we took a video of an ‘attempt to repair’ for the insurance company, but only the sound recorded, not the picture.” ?????? How does that even happen? Then we played, “blame it on the insurance company.” (Inside gossip: the CEO from X roofing company, who never paid roofing claims, is now CEO of your insurance company, hence the delay.)

There must be a best seller titled “Roofing Excuses.” Maybe I could make some money writing the next one? Today really took the cake. I was awakened bright and early by a guy pounding on the door and Bear’s barking. The guy had a huge long truck filled with roofing materials! I got pretty damn excited. I moved my car so he could unload the materials right in front. This was very promising.

It was only Wednesday, the roof was set to be installed Friday, a mere 3 months after I first contacted them. Boy, were they on the ball. They unloaded the materials, Bear quit barking and we both went back to bed. A couple of hours later, Bear commenced barking again. I shushed him. “Bear, it’s not like someone is going to steal a bunch of shingles.” When I got up and looked outside, the shingles were indeed gone. Okay, next time pay attention when your dog barks.

I happened to glance in my next door neighbor’s back yard. Aha! There sat a pile of roofing materials. Another neighbor is building her a shed. I couldn’t really believe he would steal my shingles, but… Maybe they delivered her shingles to my house? No, I had a text. The roofers themselves had come and snatched the shingles back right from under my nose! Defeat snatched from the jaws of victory! We were now playing “the rain game.” Fred said it was now a 50% rain chance on Friday- so the roof install has been postponed for a month! I texted him: my weather only said 40% rain chance. He shot back, we have to cancel even if it’s 30% chance of rain. That is the roofer’s way: always start a new game, with new rules, always have a plausible comeback, always leave them hoping and puzzled.

I know what’s coming next: an ice storm, and they’ll be backed up. Or the 5th surge of the pandemic, which will mainly affect roofers and toilet paper distributors. Roofers: 100. Me: 0.